That Time I Was a Teenage Rapper

Oh Lord people. I posted a few weeks ago about going through old college papers and I found one on gender roles. It was a doozy.

But this. This ya’ll takes the cake!

I used to listen to rap. The good stuff like Vanilla Ice and Salt ‘N Peppa. Since I fancied myself a writer (even at the ripe ole age of 13) I figured I too could write a chart topping rap.

Folks, I present to you, a rap I wrote at age 13.

The Homeboys of Town (even the title is da bomb)

One day as I was chillin down the boulevard (Cause yeah, I used to “chill” on the boulevard all the time)

I saw this guy, he was gettin hard (Ummm, not sure I even knew what this meant exactly)

He said, “C’mon baby let’s have some fun.”

I said, “Baby your breath stinks. Go chew some gum.” (Good retort!)

He looked at me with a glare in his eyes,

“Baby,” he said, “I got my homey guys”

“Honey I got my own homeboy. He’s waiting at home just to be my toy.” (Bwhahahah!)


They’re the homeboys, the homeboys, the homeboys of town

They walk around like they own the ground

They lookin to the left, they lookin to the right

They lookin for the girls who aren’t real tight

(End chorus)

I was cruzin one day in my 6.4 (OK, obviously I had no clue that a 5.0 was a type of car so I just picked another set of numbers)

There was a homey leaning on my door (How he was leaning while I was cruising is beyond me)

He flashed a $50 trying to be real cool (Swoon! $50!)

Said, “Baby get a job, go back to school.”

He said, “Money ain’t no object honey, I got more.” (Oh thank god he’s rich!)

I said, “Get a life and get your hand off my door.”

(Chorus from above)

All the homeboys in the possy try to be real cool (I too, tried to be cool)

They wear their Raiders jackets and their L.L. Cool (They weren’t into L.L. Bean yet)

They flash their chains, they flash their money

They call you baby, they call you honey

They get real pissed when you cut them down

But that’s how you learn to stand your ground (Yay! Women empowerment!)

That’s it! Pretty sure I need to get this over to L.L. Cool J or maybe Eminem would like this one. I’ll let you know what they say.



  1. Wait. You never recorded this on your tape player? Weak.

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